Emotional rationality in religion and psychology, from fear to peace

According to Ashura News, citing a Mehr reporter, the importance of today's conditions in society from the perspective of emotional rationality in religion and psychology is one of the topics that must be addressed. Taher Gholizadeh, an expert on family and society, has addressed this issue, which we will read together below:

In the complex range of human relationships, especially in the context of the family, bonds are formed whose quality, depth, and strength depend more than anything on the psychological skills, moral beliefs, and value foundations and ideology of the parties. Among these, one of the fundamental and at the same time divisive emotions is fear. A fear that sometimes plays the role of an obstacle and sometimes becomes a driving force. The fundamental question in this context is whether fear stands in the way of love or supports it? And can relationships based on love and understanding be created in the presence of fear?

Contrary to what is commonly perceived in superficial perceptions, fear is not always reprehensible or an obstacle. In Islamic teachings, a type of fear is recognized as an awakening and driving force. In a short and fundamental statement, the Prophet of Islam says, “Jama’ al-Khair khushiyyah Allah”; all goodness is dependent on the fear of God. This fear is not due to mental rigidity or pathological anxiety, but rather due to a deep awareness of responsibility, the consequences of action, and the constant presence of value in the field of human life. A fear that does not lead an individual to withdraw, but to care, effort, and commitment.

Another narration from Imam Kazim (AS) offers a more precise perspective on the spiritual function of fear: “Al-Mughbun min ghibbun ‘umra sa’ah”; the true loser is the one who wastes even an hour of his life. The meaning of this narration is not only to condemn the waste of time, but also to express that life is a limited and valuable opportunity, every moment of which has the potential to be meaningful. The fear of living in vain, of wasting one's life in emptiness, of passing moments without understanding, can be the source of a new decision to live in awareness and love.

In modern psychology, fear is defined as a basic emotion in humans, with two main functions: first, warning of environmental and internal dangers; and second, activating reactions to protect and improve the situation. What determines the path of fear's impact on human relationships is not simply its intensity, but the type of cognitive encounter of the individual with fear. If fear ends in denial, avoidance, or isolation, its destructive capacity increases. However, if the individual becomes aware of his or her fear, identifies its source, and gains a more accurate understanding of its function, that fear can be a platform for reconsidering, improving the relationship, and even rebuilding the meaning of love.

In family life, there are many manifestations of fear. A mother who worries about her child's future, a father who fears a loss of authority in the eyes of his children, or a spouse who knows in her heart that she fears the destruction of the relationship but is unable to express and manage it, all are involved in emotions that, if they do not find a way to express and analyze, lead to the extinction of opportunities, situations for dialogue and a decrease in trust. But these same fears, if accompanied by transparency, empathy and mutual understanding, can lead to the strengthening of relationships. Also, care is strengthened when its absence is felt, and compassion is enhanced when we believe in the possibility of suffering for the other.

From the perspective of family psychology, what separates a stable and healthy relationship from a fragile one is not the complete absence of fear, but the ability to transform it into behaviors based on compassion and responsibility. Couples who can talk about their fears, share their feelings generously with each other without fear of judgment, and in a safe space, create the basis for the growth of a meaningful relationship. Love in such a context is not simply an emotional act but a form of moral living.

In this context, the wise saying of Imam Ali (AS) sheds new light on the meaning of the balance between love and fear: “Khair al-‘alaam ee-ta’il al-raja wa al-khawf”; the best actions are those that balance hope and fear. In human relationships, too, healthy love occurs when it is not based on absolute hope and self-deception, nor on dry fear and distrust, but when two people enter into a bond with awareness of their own and each other’s vulnerabilities, of the capacity for suffering in the relationship, of the possibility of failure and decline, but with the hope of flourishing, growth, and continuation.

This pattern is also seen in religious education. That love takes root. In the Prophetic tradition, fear is never a tool for passivity, but rather a catalyst for dialogue, empathy, and reflection. The Prophet of Islam, knowing the unkindness of some of his audience, or the pressure that came from the realization of attacks and evils, still entered the arenas with careful management of anger and forgiveness, because he knew that fear of situations destroys opportunities.

He transformed the factors of fear into a means of attraction, and this is exactly the turning point of the prophetic ethics: combining fear with love, awareness with empathy.

From a cultural perspective, a society that either suppresses fear or considers it the enemy of life is bound to face superficiality, justification, and instability in its relationships. If members of society and family cannot manage their fears at critical moments, victory becomes a theatrical and sometimes worn-out phenomenon. But if the context of accepting fear, cognitive restructuring, and managing it is done correctly, then success will find meaning, depth, and sustainability.

From this perspective, even in child rearing, fear can be the source of effective love. When parents fear their child’s helplessness in the dark of night, this same feeling leads them to take more careful care. Or when the fear of losing contact with the teenager forces the parent to reconsider their communication methods, this same fear provides the basis for loving in a more effective way.

On a larger scale, social ethics also follows this pattern. A citizen who fears the effects of self-centeredness and indifference or the harms of security and society will be successful when he expresses his love in the form of social actions: helping the needy, respecting the rights of others, constructive dialogue and honesty in interaction, are all manifestations of love in the shadow of responsible fear.

In conclusion, it can be said that from an Islamic perspective, and in the light of contemporary psychological knowledge, fear is not in conflict with love but in interaction with it. When fear arises from awareness, and love is the result of responsibility, the result is a kind of authentic life; a life in which human relationships become a test ground for honesty, accuracy and loyalty. In such an environment, fear is not a barrier to love and peace, but its guardian and preserver. This is the boundary that distinguishes between superficial peace and real peace, between a showy relationship and a moral relationship. And this is the lesson that can be learned from religious texts about the relationship between fear, hope, and success; where fear and love, instead of conflicting, interact and complement each other; like two wings for man to fly on the path of perfection, one of which guarantees the care of values ​​and the other the warmth and continuity of bonds. Such a combination not only elevates social and family relations from the level of habit to a spiritual and conscious horizon, but also creates a society rooted in kindness, responsibility, and mutual understanding; a society in which people, instead of fleeing from fear, turn it into a language for living well and loving well.